Dr. Popper

My bills are late this month, but that's not because I don't make enough money, or because I still haven't caught up on bills that I fell behind on when I got separated, oh goodness no. It's because of the Dr. Pepper explosion.

I was at my desk staring at two things. One was a stack of bills by my left hand, and the other was a calender by my right. At first I was gazing at them hopelessly, knowing that no matter how I manipulated my budget, I wasn't going to make dollar numbers match up to the specific dates that they were due on. Then I became dismayed at how tired I am of being behind on everything. And then, I realized that I'd been looking at the stack of bills and the calender for quite some time without moving. And then I wondered if it were possible for me to merge those two things with the power of my mind if I stared hard at them enough.

This is what I was doing when Claire walked into my bedroom and said, "Mom, look at my Dr. Pepper!"
I blinked, and the spell was broken. Damn! And I think I'd managed to move the calender slightly!
I spun around in my chair and looked at her can of Dr. Pepper. With money still on the brain the first thing I thought was, "Why did I give in and buy that? I could have bought milk. Or a gallon of gas. Or paid 1.635 of my electricity bill."

Then I noticed something funny about the can.

"Why is it bulging at the top like that?" I asked her.
"It's frozen!" she said, running her finger along the icy side. "I left it in there last night. Looks cool, huh?"

I smiled wearily. "Yeah, it does."

She sat on the bed, tucking one leg underneath her and swinging the other back and forth over the edge.
"Whatcha doin'?"
"Ugh," I said. "Bills."
"Oh."

I turned back around, and before I had time to refocus there was a loud POP! When I turned around again, Claire was staring at her empty hand with her mouth hanging open. She had popped the top, and the can had shot right out of her hand across the bed. There were frozen Dr. Pepper flakes on her face, my back, the ceiling, all four walls, the bed, and...the bills and calender.
"Claire!" I hollered.
"Oh my God," she said. "It exploded."
"I KNOW it exploded!" I said. "Are you alright?"
She unfroze and blinked. "Yeah."
"Then clean it up!" I said.

She washed her face and hands, and began to clean my walls and ceiling with the help of a step ladder. We continued to find spots of the stuff on my walls and books for the next few days, though, and Claire ended up having to take a shower because there were drops in hair hair that turned into syrupy glue.

And I stopped looking at the bills. But I did make a significant financial decision. Soda is off the grocery list.