The kids take the morning commute with me now that they've switched schools, as we prepare to move yet again. I know, we just moved at the beginning of the year, but this is a really really REALLY good change. I'm not sure there's a limit to how much I can use the term "really" as is applies to the happiness of this situation. All four of us are happy about it at the same time, and it's a miracle when we all share that attitude about any one thing.
Like the radio. We do not share the same attitude in terms of what we should listen to during the hour that it takes to get to work and school and the hour back. The problem is I loooooooooooooooooove music, so I'm not just picky about it - a song that I don't like actually hurts me inside. And sometimes I don't even know why. It's not like "Whistle Baby" is a terrible song. The whistling is quite nice. And let's set aside the fact that it's obvioulsy about oral sex and I just don't feel right listening to it with my kids. There's something about the sound of it that I can't put my finger on that's intolerable, and if it plays for more than five seconds, my immune system begins to shut down.
So Katy Perry's "Wide Awake," doesn't just bother me. My kidneys fail whenever it plays, and it plays 70 times every five minutes. This is nothing against Katy herself. I love the song "Hot and Cold." But if I have to listen to "Wide Awake" one more time, I'm going to have to go on dialysis.
It's the same with every song by Maroon 5. When "Payphone" plays, this is what happens:
(Radio plays) I'm at a payphone trying to call home/All of my change I spent on you
Claire: Mom, are you ok?
Me (left eye beginning to twitch, line of drool falling): Yes.
(Radio plays further) Where have the times gone?/Baby, it's all wrong, where are the plans we made for two?
Me: Kids (my spleen ruptures) Can we change it?
Christopher and Emma: No! We love this song!
(Radio- the rap part in the middle of the song of the song begins, and my frontal lobe shuts down) You can tell it I'm ballin'/Swish, what a shame could have got picked/Had a really good game but you missed your last shot/So you talk about who you see at the top/Or what you could've saw/But sad to say it's over for/Phantom pulled up valet open doors/Wiz like go away, got what you was looking for/Now ask me who they want/So you can go and take that little piece of shit with you
Me: (reaching for the radio buttons with trembling hands) Must...change...station...need antedote...
All three kids: NOOOOOOOO! We love this song!
(I change it, and "Revolution" by The Beatles is playing. My brain stops leaking from my ears)
All three kids: WHYYYYYYY? Why did you change it?!
Me: Because we only left the house two minutes ago and we've already heard it 87 times.
So we have a deal now - we can only hear each song we listen to once a day. So if Adele's "Fire to the Rain" plays once, that's it. This song is bearable to me, so maybe it's not a good example. If we hear "Starships" by Nicki Minaj once, then we don't listen to it again until it comes on the next day. This is a great comfort to me while my uterus goes mad and begins attacking my liver, because the sound of Nicki Minaj turns my internal organs against each other. I think, "After this once, it's all over."
Of course, I could just assume tyrannical control over the radio. It is my right as a parent. But I also undsertsand that just because a certain song is pleasing to me, that doesn't mean that everyone else is going to like it. For instance, when I mentioned The Bealtes earlier, your white bloods cells might have exploded. My kids, though they don't have the same taste in music as I do, have the same physical repulsion to music they don't like. Sometimes they like it when I play The Black Keys, they love The Pack A.D., and luckily for their sakes they love The Beatles. But when I'm feeling my roots and I play Metallica for old time's sake?
"MOOOOOOOOOM! Turn it off! AHH! It burns! It burns!"
The other day Emma had a frank moment with me and she said, "I'm sorry, Mom, I just don't like heavy metal. I'm sorry." Dude, she was genuinely sorry. I told her it was ok, she doesn't have to like everything I like.
And this, in essence, is why we take turns. They keep me aware of Top 40 music and I teach them about music that's actually good. Win - win. Actually, I'm kidding, there's some Top 40 stuff I like. But there's some other stuff that's out there, like The Pack A.D. that not enough people know about, so I feel that I'm giving back to the world by raising kids who know about an indie Canadian chick bluesy/rockity/punkity band. Plus, I've looked at the Top 40 list for this week, and either I've heard a lot of it and don't know the names, or New Orleans radio stations only pick five of those songs and play them in a loop. Like, who the hell is Rita Ora? I don't know, but she's got the number 1 song for the week. I've probably heard it 786 times, but my ears fell from my head every time it was played and I was too busy screwing them back on to pay attention.
I would say it's because I'm getting old, but I've always had this attitude towards pop, even at 13. The summer before I turned 13, the number one song was "Hold onto the Nights" by Richard Marx. I was so physically repulsed by that song I am surprised it did not stunt my growth. By who knows. I'm six feet, but if they hadn't played that song 11,985 times a day, maybe I'd be 6'5". This makes sense. Now that I'm older, bad music is shrinking me. The next time I have to hear Demi Lovato's "Give Your Heart a Break" I'll be 5'3".
Now I'm off to listen to The Pack AD mend myself. And since I'm plugging them anyway, here is my favorite video from them, called Haunt You.
